Monday, 19 November 2018

50/50 or 100/100 Marriage?

In all relationships, there are rights and obligations. No relationship would ever thrive when a partner fails to fulfill his or her obligation. When you fulfill your obligations as an employee, your employer compensates you with a salary or bonus. But is marriage a contractual or a covenantal relationship?
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Many go into marriage with an high expectation of what their spouse must do, should they fail, they'll withdraw their own roles and the marriage continues as an endurance trek. 
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It's quite unfortunate that our mindset has be influenced by culture, religion, beliefs, philosophy or people's experiences and sadly, this has been brought into marriage. 
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When you have a mentality of "Do-this-for-me", "Before-I-do-that-for-you" in marriage, you'll never experience the kind of marriage God wanted you to enjoy. Right and obligations in marriage are mutual. 
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Commitment in marriage must also be mutual and must not be scaled. When you scale it, it becomes self-centered, conditional and noncommittal. 
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Why wait till he gives you money before you allow him to explore how beautifully and wonderfully made you are in bed? Even if she offends you, is it a crime for you to be the first to reconcile with her? 
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Some people believe that a man should love his wife more while some believe it's the wife's love that must break the scale. You can't apply cultural beliefs or human philosophy to enjoy the Genesis Two kind of marriage. All that we have in many marriages today is the Genesis Three kind of marriage. 
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Stop promoting what's not in the Bible. If you conform to this world's pattern, you won't be able to prove what is that good, perfect and acceptable will of God in your own marriage. 
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As believers, don't apply worldly principles to your marriage. You can't enjoy marriage the way God wanted you to if you adopt worldly principles. 
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Just like our model marriage (CHRIST and the CHURCH), we love Him because He loved us first. A man should model Christ in his love to his wife while the wife too should model a FAITHFUL bride in her submission to her husband. 
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When you put marriage on a scale of 50/50, 70/30 or whatever, marriage becomes a business but when it is modeled after Christ, it remains a COVENANT relationship where the two becomes ONE FLESH. After all, they are to give their all to achieve this kind of bond.
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Now that you're married or planning to be, what's your mentality for scaling rights and obligations between the husband and wife? Because the husband is the head doesn't mean he must invest much into the relationship while the wife contributes little. 
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Be it love, attention, communication, trust, respect or submission, you must mutually give your all. You can't be committed to marriage halfheartedly and expect to get the best out of it. And if you're scared of heart break, do well to marry the right person. 
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There's no 50/50 marriage before God. A man and his wife must wholly cleave to become one flesh. How can two chase ten thousand if they're torn apart by 50/50 mentality? Why won't there be infidelity when both are not equally producing warmth or the other partner is getting warmth elsewhere? 
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If you are scared of giving your all to your partner while single, prayerfully find the right one. If you're having issues giving your all as a married person, invite God, obey His principles and you'd be surprised to see how blissful your marriage would be. 
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God, give us Christian homes
Homes where the Master's will is sought 
Homes that are free from the blight of wrong 
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© Oluwamayowa Adeniyi.

Let it go.

The wound came, pierced my soul deep
I cried, I wept but it never got better 
I tried to get healing but bottling it up seemed okay
Will I ever get better than this?
Let it go
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Why should this happen to me?
Innocent was I but it still happened all the same
Can God just do something about my hurt?
I tried to forgive but the memory lingers on
Will I ever get better than this?
Let it go
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The man I so much loved dearly
Gave my all to him in love and trust
But in the thick of the night,
Broke my heart and left me in pain
Will I ever get better in life?
Let it go
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I was called a failure because I onced failed in the past
Yet, I struggled so hard to get better than this
But the weight of pain pulled me down severally
Will there be hope for me?
I'll let it go
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How can I let it go?
When no one seemed to care about me
I sought for help but I found none
But alas, there's hope for me
'Cos I'm letting it all go
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Holding onto the knife was all I knew
But I'm throwing it right away to embrace my healing
There's healing after every pain
I'm moving on to be better than this
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Forgiving myself is the key
To unlock my freedom from pain
How will God forgive me
When I imprison my offender in my heart
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There's hope after a fall
For if a tree be cut down
Having its roots buried in the soil is a hope that gives it life again
Yet, at the scent of a water drop
Surely it will yet rise again
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I'm letting go of my pain
Though it be heavier than a stone
Life is better than remaining a victim
Champions may fail but they never for once gave up
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Now I'm walking away
From my troubles, pain and failure
No matter what life has done to me
I'm letting go of it all
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© Oluwamayowa Adeniyi.

Friday, 16 November 2018

ATM?

I don't know what is wrong with some ladies, once they are in a relationship, they turn the guy to Automated Teller Machine (ATM)! They suspend their brain and hands, refuse to work and harass the man up and down for money for little, trivial things including chewing gum and ice cream!
You are responsible for your problems, deal with them and grow up. Marriage is not for over spoilt, pampered brats who hate to work and make good use of their hands! A wife is a help-meet not a take-meet. Marriage is give and give, not take and take. You are going into marriage to help that man become great not suck greatness out of him!
When a man loves you, he naturally gives without harassing him and make his life a living hell on earth! Buying you things gives him pleasure and paying his bills in marriage won't be a problem. He is into your life to be a blessing not a curse! If he is so stingy right now he won't contribute a dime to the relationship even when you are dying, end the relationship!
You go into courtship to be a blessing not use the other person as a blessing! You are there to give, not to take and take till the other person has nothing to give! A stingy man is simply not in love with you, if he loves you, he will give!
I naturally hate begging as a single lady with passionate hatred so when I met hubby, begging was out of it yet, I was in need of so many things. Since we met, he had always given. He gave and gave and gave and gave. He still told me yesterday I need to give you more...without asking, pressurizing, complaining or disturbing his life.
When I go into relationships with people, the first thing I ask is, what can I give? How can I make the life of this person better? What is available with me that will be useful to this person? It can be words of encouragement, a hug, an advise that will change their lives, food stuff, money, support, etc. There is something to give, always look for ways to give.
Ladies who complain men always ask them for sex have a lot of things to confess. If you are in the habit of asking every Tom, Dick and Harry for money, they will pressurize you for sex. For ungodly men, nothing goes for nothing.
I'm not asking you not to ask for help when you genuinely need it. It's a different ball game entirely but before asking, ensure you have tried to solve half of it yourself before disturbing people all over the places. Life is about solving problems. Marriage is about solving problems, learn to solve your own problems! That is what makes you an asset to your husband! A lazy, irresponsible woman is rottenness in any man's bone.
Hardworking, responsible ladies are attractive; begging, lazy, indolent ladies are repulsive.
Find work to do and learn to be a blessing to the people around you. You will be glad you did. God bless you. Cheers!

© Seun Oladele.

Thursday, 15 November 2018

DON'T QUIT!

Yes, you sinned, yes you fornicated, yes you are a dedicated church worker yet you committed that adultery in secret and each time you remember, you feel so bad, condemned, worthless and useless!
You've masturbated over and over and over again, asked God for forgiveness over and over and over again till you got tired and worn out. You may think, "what's the use? I might as well have the real sex and go to hell! I am a certified sinner already why try to change when its so difficult?" No, you are not going to hell, you will go to heaven. Please, don't give in to the devil; don't quit trying, don't stop asking for forgiveness, don't quit trying. Don't accept defeat.
Dr. Mike Murdock said "struggle is a sign that you have not yet been defeated." Jesus became flesh so He could feel what we feel and trust me, He understands. Keep asking for forgiveness, He will always forgive you till you are strong enough and can't commit those sins again.
If Jesus told Peter to forgive those who offend him 490 times in 24 hours, how much more God? He never asks us to do things He doesn't do. The Lord can forgive you 1000 times per day! Yes, He can and He will.
I'm not encouraging sin. No one reaches perfection in a day, we all have areas we struggle and face temptation, it takes time to overcome some weaknesses. If you will keep seeking the Lord's help, if you never give up, one day you will look back and realize you do not commit that sin anymore. 

Jesus ALWAYS loves you. NEVER GIVE UP! Fight till you win. God bless you. Cheers!

© Seun Oladele