VIRGINITY AND SEX ON THE WEDDING NIGHT.

Countless virgins have been cajoled into premarital sex on the excuse that sex on the wedding night will be painful and boring and your husband will see you as a disappointment.

First sex will be painful whether before or after marriage. Engaging in it before marriage makes it many times painful because:

 (1) The guy sleeping with you is in a hurry to give himself pleasure and wouldn't want to waste his time being gentle with you. 

(2) You are torn apart with guilt which makes it double painful -you know you shouldn't be doing it. 

(3)Your self esteem drops far down as you realized the consequence of what you have done and the regret that you have lost it forever. 

(4)You are plagued with the fear of unwanted pregnancy and STDs (5) You live in fear of losing the guy.

Sex on the wedding night may give you pain but pleasurable pain and not all virgins even experience pain with their first sex. 

With good books, godly counsel and genuine love for each other, you can both be taught the process to take to make sex as painless as possible. If at all, you experience pain, it won't be excruciating pain rendering you incapacitated for months. 

You only have one pain, the pain of breaking the hymen but you gain your pleasure soon afterwards.

(1) The pleasure of having waited till your wedding night. 

(2) The pleasure of giving your husband pleasure. 

(3) The pleasure of winning your husband's pride and trust forever. 

(4) The pleasure of having a solid, sky rocketing self esteem. 

(5)The pleasure of expecting pregnancy without worrying whether your womb has been damaged by the multiple abortions you did before wedding. 

(6) The pleasure of having no past lover to compare your spouse to. It helps you to thoroughly enjoy sex with your husband. 

(7) The pleasure of climaxing easily -you have no hang ups.

Yes! The pleasure of waiting far outweighs the momentary pain you naturally experience with your first sex. Waiting for sex till marriage pays.

© Seun Oladele

THE 4 REALITIES OF MARRIAGE.

Each time I see singles trying desperately to teach the married people how to have a good marriage, I smile, I really really smile.

It's like me trying to teach Dangote how to make billions in this present Nigerian economy. Where are my own billions? Which business have I done to command such amount of money? What are my business strategies? How long have I been in business? Etc, oh boy, no one wants to waste their time on a joker, not Dangote, ever!

Back to base, no great marriage drops from heaven! We all must work at it. A lot of singles are failing woefully in their marriages because they so not prepare for this reality. They think all will be dinner and dating like some fantasies they read in some romantic novels, alright, let's get straight to the points.

1. PREPARE TO HANDLE DISAGREEMENT POSITIVELY
Everyone disagrees at one point or the other, unless you are pretending. Few months after getting married, if not starting from honey moon, your different beliefs, background, training, exposure, etc will clash. Learn to handle disagreement maturely. Learn to talk like an adult. Insisting on your own point, idea, advise or way of doing things is immature. Both of you must learn to compromise and meet at the middle. Let wisdom reign. That is why marriage is for mature people not toddlers who cry and whine when things do not go their way. If you love palm oil for cooking soup and he prefers coconut oil, add half palm oil and half coconut oil. That settles it. Case closed.

2. PREPARE TO FACE INADEQUATE FINANCES
Life is not on a straight line. There are bumps along the way. The man may lose his job or what you earn may not be enough. Business may not go as usual or needs increase that over shadow what you earn and you need to earn more. There is no need to fight and abuse each other. Strategize. Either look for a better paying job or add business to what you are doing. As the wife, grow your income, look for more customers or you are a salary earner, think of business you can do from home that can grow your income. Brainstorm, read, attend seminars, have a mentor, think of creative ways of growing your business or strategize. Both of you will seriously need to sit down and think of ways of growing your income. Cut down your expenses, manage the little you have till you bounce back and expand!

3. SEX MAY NOT BE AS HOT, SIZZLING AND PASSIONATE AS YOU THINK
Pregnancy, childbirth, family planning pills/injection, raising family, taking care of children, stress and fatigue may affect your sex life. To avoid your sex life going into the cooler, be prepared plan your family well. How many kids will you have? Discuss how to assist each other with chores and how to take care of your kids, so stress will not burn the woman out. When a woman is stressed out, her sexual life dies an untimely death! You can do something to prevent it.

4. PREPARE TO HANDLE BOREDOM
Dating and courtship are not the same as marriage. In courtship, it's come and go. You don't see them every time. You have high, romantic expectations for marriage. Your sexual desire is high because you do not have to worry about bills, diapers, cooking and house chores. One year after marriage, you are bored. You've seen it all. Their nakedness, weaknesses, same face, same bed, morning and night and you got tired! But it shouldn't be!

You must prepare against boredom by creating exciting moments that will last throughout your marriage and life time.

What you don't prepare for, you can't succeed in it. When you don't plan to succeed in marriage, you have planned to fail in it.

Many are running out of their marriages today because they did not prepare well to handle the challenges that face everyone in marriage.

No matter your anointing and how perfect from heaven you are both made for each other, you will go through these challenges.

How well you prepare before you enter will determine if you will last or quit, enjoy or endure your marriage.

Regardless of your age, prepare well. Don't jump into any marriage prematurely. It is better to be single and waiting than married and wailing. You will not wail in your marriage in Jesus' name.

Thanks for reading. God bless you. Cheers!

© Seun Oladele.

LADIES, DON'T LOWER YOUR STANDARD FOR ANYBODY!

Don't allow any man scare you into marrying him, keep your standard high! Half baked, lazy, ignorant men may want to brain wash you into marrying them. Some will even use abuse and threat! They will spew out horrible lies that you will never marry if you keep that standard, men will run away from you and you will stay single till old age! They make marriage look like a golden trophy you are about to lose, you should be damned lucky that they showed interest and before proposal they are already commanding, demeaning, abusing, cajoling, cursing and making threats!

In the name of Jesus Christ I beg you, avoid such men, they are going no where to happen!

Keep your standard! You can't go to the university, suffer, get your degree up to your masters and allow someone who is not ready to learn; is crude, rude, proud, brash, garrulous, loquacious, outright laid back or stupendously proud for nothing, narcissistic, controlling, paranoid and an incurable alpha male make your life a living hell on earth! You can't marry a man that will disgrace you in public. He either learns by carrying his butt right out of the chair, work his skin out, go to GCE center, write his exams, hustle and send himself to the university, brush himself up or he looks for a lady who will accept him just the way he is! If you want someone polished, be polished yourself, if not, forget it!

There is no crime in not going to school but your brain shouldn't be redundant neither should you act like someone living in 1900 as a result. Schooling is different from education. You may not be in the 4 walls of a university, but you keep learning, improving, growing and advancing, that is the point! There are lots of university graduates who look and talk like touts!

Bill Gates of Microsoft was a drop-out for God's sake, like wise Seun Osewa of Naira land! Mark Zuckerberg of Facebook also dropped out of the university! Joyce Meyer only went to High School! Actor Odunlade Adekola attained stardom before entering university! Same for Actress Genevieve Nnaji, Actress Omotola Jolade, etc!

Success is not about which school you attend but how much you use your brain for good!

Marry a man with high moral, intellectual, spiritual standard who is humble enough to keep growing, learning, advancing and changing!

Keep your standard! Do not stoop so low to marry a fornicator, a man with a mobile, worn out, used and dumped penis!

Don't marry a lazy man whose 24 hours get wasted on nothing!

Don't marry a smoker and a drunkard!

Marry a godly man sent from God! If he is from God, his standard will be high! May you not mis-choose!

Hanks for reading. God bless you, cheers!

© Seun Oladele

TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS

There are times wives get angry for being monitored by their husbands. They think he is an hyper jealous, in-secure, paranoid, psychotic twat! "How dare he? Does he think I'm cheating or what?" No, he knows you are not, he is just trying to help you.

Sometimes, if not most times, we women can be very naive when it comes to dealing with men. We think we are smart (and we are) but when it comes to dealing with some unscrupulous elements, trust me, you need the help of your dear husband. Men are logical, they know how to play on a woman's emotions while women are emotional and soft hearted. Same thing goes for woman to woman relationship that is destroying you and creating serious problems for you in your marriage.

Be opened with your husband. Put him at rest. Let him have easy access to all your chats and conversations. If there is no skeleton in your cupboard, there is no reason to keep any relationship secret from him whether with opposite sex or not. Secrecy is not allowed in any marriage that will last. If he approves some relationships, fine, go ahead with them, if not, end the relationship with immediate effect; it is toxic, dangerous and going no where to happen!

I once had a married friend who was aggressive, pushy, jealous of my husband and manipulative. He asked me to send personal pictures, wanted to come to my home, dominated my time and didn't want to hear about my husband. When I told him my husband loves me so much, he asked, "what about me?" Yet he claimed to be "born again", happily married, a servant of God and a marriage counsellor to tens of thousands of his followers! The day I told him my husband reads our conversation from the beginning to end he almost fainted. He quit the relationship voluntarily, blocked me on the social media and whined and cried about being "betrayed" and "misunderstood".

I do the same thing for my husband, I let him know the relationships that are toxic and those beneficial whether with the same sex or opposite sex. We should be our brother's keeper in marriage. You don't know everything and you can't do everything by yourself, if you can, you don't need to get married.

Deal with toxic relationships, avoid dangerous relationships at all cost. Let your spouse help you, that is why they married you. Avoid secrecy in your marriage. God bless you. Cheers!

© Seun Oladele