Friday, 23 February 2018

MANAGING CRISES.

Life is filled with challenges. Whether married or single, you will go through tough times (Isaiah 43:2), these are what shapes you, mould you and prepare you for the next stage in life.
The Apostle of wisdom: Dr. Mike Murdock says, "crisis begins at the curve of change". When something big and major is about to happen in your life, a crisis sometimes occur which rocks you, shakes you to your foundation, reveals your weaknesses, exposes your inadequacies, displays your helplessness while you run to God, get strengthened, sharpen your weapons, get stronger, prepare for your next level, face your battles, win them and get promoted. There is no promotion without any examination. Your crises are the exams you must pass to move to your next level in life!
Your level of maturity determines how you respond to crisis! Your single years are to equip you to be mature for marriage.
Singleness is not for sleeping around and waking up when you realize your biological clock is ticking away, your single years are to sit down, prepare well before embarking on the journey of no return-your marriage.
How well you prepare as a single person determines how your marriage will turn out. A wise man said, "If I'm given 8 hours to cut down a tree, I will spend 6 hours sharpening my cutlass and only 2 hours cutting the tree".
What most singles do is, they spend less than 30 minutes sharpening their cutlasses: no time to read good books to help their marriages; they spend all 24 hours shopping for a spouse on facebook like one looking for a wear on Jiji, masturbate, watch porn, gossip all around the street then the remaining 7 and half hours trying to cut down the tree: running helter skelter in marriage trying to solve problems they never prepared for!
Challenges are part of marriage. Your wife may experience delay, your husband may lose his job, the children may fall sick, there may be times you have no food to eat, your in-laws may give you problem, your spouse may start having an affair or experience intense inner and outer pressure to have an affair, there may be spiritual attack on your marriage. What will you do? How well you prepare determines how you respond to the challenges.
Marriage does not have a problem of its own, we bring our personal problems into marriage. If you don't know how to handle your life as a single person, you are going to breakdown when challenges come in marriage!
To the optimistic person, the cup is half full, to the pessimistic, the cup is half empty. How we see life and marriage is determined by how well we are prepared to handle life.
Some people will go through problems and will be smiling, laughing, bouncing and having fun while some will be wailing, weeping and crying, it all depends on our preparation, inner strength and grace!
I love challenges, they are the breakfast of champions. I've gone through some stuffs that will make many open their mouths with awe but I hate talking about them because they add absolutely nothing to my tomorrow except form the stones on which I climb to greatness. The blessings I get from my problems far out weigh the challenges so I focus on the blessings and the blessings never cease coming.
Do I really have challenges? I don't think so I don't see them. They don't exist so it's nothing to worry or talk about, I keep having my fun and enjoy my day as it comes.
Marriage can be lots and lots of fun, pleasure and enjoyment or loads and loads of pain depending on your perspective and how well you are prepared to handle it. See you next time. Thanks for reading. 

God bless you. 

Cheers!

© Seun Oladele

NO SEX PLEASE.

Sex to a man is more than physical pleasure. Sex is conquest, it is an achievement of a sort; it is the affirmation of manhood. This may sound stupid and senseless to a woman but to a man it is not.
Withholding sex from a man makes you mysterious and strangely attractive. A man likes to overcome a challenge and CONQUER.
Having sex with you is conquering you. If he does so before marriage, he loses the passion to pursue and chase you further because you do not give him anymore challenge. If you pressure him and he continues with the relationship he does so with less enthusiasm and respect for you.
Delaying sex till marriage has its numerous benefits. Apart from avoiding unwanted pregnancy and AIDS, you develop a very healthy self esteem. Your face glows with pride and you help your man develop SELF CONTROL.
Women who give men sex in courtship do not know they are helping their men commit adultery in marriage. You have trained him to always get sex improperly at the wrong time because you feel he cannot hold it so when you marry and are heavily pregnant or just deliver your baby please don't be angry if hubby runs after a mistress or caught making out with the maid.
The best place to be "conquered" is in marriage. Saving sex till the wedding night makes the man sees you as a highly valuable jewel worth having. I'm not just referring to virgins. Even if you 've had a terrible past, abortions or a child out of wedlock. FORGET THE PAST and save sex for the wedding night.
Let the man know the past was a mistake but now you know better. You are not going to CHEAPEN yourself before any man anymore. If he accepts it fine, if not he is free to go. You are not a sexual machine. Any man who will marry you must accept your person not just your private part. You are not a sex toy. You are a woman he needs to appreciate, love and value.
When you give your man sex on the wedding night, he has "conquered" you and there is a look of pride in his eyes. That pride spread over to you and the result is a loving, trusting, peaceful and blissful marriage. You are happy that your man owns you completely and he is happy to be the one in charge of you. This is very crucial and basic in marriage. It is the foundation for trust, faithfulness and commitment for life.
Learn to control your sexual urge and teach your man to control his as well. There is time for everything under the sun. 

God bless you. 

Cheers!

© Seun Oladele

Thursday, 22 February 2018

THE SCAR.

I like putting down hot pot from the stove or gas cooker with my bare hands. I have a strong skin so I maximized its strength in the kitchen. While frying fishes, hot oil would splash on my hand and I would just wipe it off and continue as if nothing happened.

Hubby had begged me countless times to always use a napkin to put down hot pots and move away from oil splashing fishes or plantain, I would just shrug it off and boast nothing will happen.

While pregnant with my second son, I dared the hot oil again. I rushed to the kitchen to fry plantain for my hungry son while allowing the oil to splash freely as I hurriedly threw the sliced plantains in the pan, I had forgotten I was pregnant and my skin had become soft and sensitive. The first splash sent pain reeling through my spine but I ignored it all the same and continued frying.

Few hours later, the affected areas had formed blisters, in 48 hours my right hand had become swollen and the pain it sent through my entire being was unbearable. I later drained water out of the blisters, it turned to wound which I nursed till it healed up but it left a scar, some small scars on my right hand. The pain is gone forever. I had learnt my lesson but the scar is still there. Each time I see it, I do not like it. It made me self conscious, but since hubby loves my hand though he didn't like the way I got my scar, I've learnt to accept and love it.

God will forgive you your past mistakes but the scar will remain. Thank God for salvation. It will give you a brand new life but will not return your broken hymen, it will not kill the child you have out of wedlock, it will not deny the HIV you had through unprotected sex. It will not automatically clear off the curses and covenants you have acquired by sleeping with strange people before marriage, these are your scars.

No sin leaves us the same. It damages something we will always regret. Conscious efforts have to be taken through intense prayer, regular study of the word among others to undo the damages. Even at that some scar remains.

Do not start what you cannot finish. Don't do what you will regret in future you ever did. Say NO to premarital sex and adultery. Say No to all form of immorality and sin. You will be glad you did. God bless you. Cheers!



By Seun Oladele.

Wednesday, 21 February 2018

ATM?

I don't know what is wrong with some ladies, once they are in a relationship, they turn the guy to Automated Teller Machine (ATM)! They suspend their brain and hands, refuse to work and harass the man up and down for money for little, trivial things including chewing gum and ice cream!

You are responsible for your problems, deal with them and grow up. Marriage is not for over spoilt, pampered brats who hate to work and make good use of their hands! A wife is a help-meet not a take-meet. Marriage is give and give, not take and take. You are going into marriage to help that man become great not suck greatness out of him!

When a man loves you, he naturally gives without harassing him and make his life a living hell on earth! Buying you things gives him pleasure and paying his bills in marriage won't be a problem. He is into your life to be a blessing not a curse! If he is so stingy right now he won't contribute a dime to the relationship even when you are dying, end the relationship!

You go into courtship to be a blessing not use the other person as a blessing! You are there to give, not to take and take till the other person has nothing to give! A stingy man is simply not in love with you, if he loves you, he will give!
I naturally hate begging with passionate hatred so when I met hubby, begging was out of it yet, I was in need of so many things. Since we met, he had always given. He gave and gave and gave and gave. He still told me yesterday "I need to give you more..." without asking, pressurizing, complaining or disturbing his life.

When I go into relationships with people, the first thing I ask is, what can I give? How can I make the life of this person better? What is available with me that will be useful to this person? It can be words of encouragement, a hug, an advise that will change their lives, food stuff, money, support, etc. There is something to give, always look for ways to give.
Ladies who complain men always ask them for sex have a lot of things to confess. If you are in the habit of asking every Tom, Dick and Harry for money, they will pressurize you for sex. For ungodly men, nothing goes for nothing.

I'm not asking you not to ask for help when you genuinely need it. It's a different ball game entirely but before asking, ensure you have tried to solve half of it yourself before disturbing people all over the places. Life is about solving problems. Marriage is about solving problems, learn to solve your own problems! That is what makes you an asset to your husband! A lazy, irresponsible woman is rottenness in any man's bone.

Hardworking, responsible ladies are attractive; begging, lazy, indolent ladies are repulsive.
Find work to do and learn to be a blessing to the people around you. You will be glad you did. God bless you. Cheers!




By Seun Oladele.

Life Lesson 101: “NIGERIAN MEN”

Not every man can take the disappointing and humiliation from NIgeria wives imported to America. Wives killers on rampage in the US.

An Epidemic: Nigerian Men Killing Their Nurse Wives In America "Yes, I have killed the woman that messed up my life; the woman that has destroyed me. I am at Shalom West. My name is David and I am all yours.” Those were David Ochola’s words during his 911 (U.S. Emergency Number) call to authorities after shooting dead, his 28 years old wife, Priscilla Ochola, in Hennepin, Minnesota.

The 50-years old, husband was tired of being “disrespected” by his wife, a Registered Nurse (RN) whom he had brought from Nigeria and sponsored through nursing school only to have her make much more than him in salary - a situation which led to Mrs. Ochola “coming and going as she chose without regard for her husband.”
The couple had two children – four years old boy and a three year old girl.

In Texas, Babajide Okeowo had been separated from his wife, Funke Okeowo, with whom he resided at their Dallas home. Upon the divorce, the husband lost the house to his wife, along with most of the contents therein, as is usually the tradition in the U.S. Divorces where the couple still has underage children. 

Mr. Okeowo, 48, divorced his wife because not long after she became an RN and made more money than him, she “took control” of the family finances and “controlled” her husband’s expenditure and movement. 

The husband could no longer make any meaningful contribution to his family back in Nigeria unless the wife “approved” it. He could not go out without her permission. Frustrated that his formerly malleable wife had suddenly become such a “terror” to him to the point of asking for in court and getting virtually everything for which he had worked since coming to the US thirty years prior, the husband got in his vehicle and drove a few hundred miles to Dallas to settle the scores.
He found her in her SUV, adorned in full Nigerian attire on her way to the birthday bash organized in her honor. She had turned 46 on that day. Mr. Okeowo fired several rounds into his wife’s torso while she sat at the steering wheel, mercilessly killing her in broad daylight.

Also in Dallas (they sure need anger management classes in Dallas), Moses Egharevba, 45, did not even bother to get a gun. The husband of Grace Egharevba, 35, bludgeoned her to death with a sledge hammer while their seven year old daughter watched and screamed for peace. 

Mrs. Egharevba’s “sin” was that she became an RN and started to make more money than her husband. This led to her “financial liberation” from a supposedly tight-fisted husband who had not only brought her from Nigeria, but had also funded her nursing school education.

Like Moses Egharevba, Christopher Ndubuisi of Garland, Texas, (these Texas people!) also did not bother to get a gun. He crept into the bedroom where his wife, Christiana, was sleeping and, with several blows of the sledge hammer, crushed her head. 

Two years before Christiana was killed, her mother, who had been visiting from Nigeria, was found dead in the bathtub under circumstances believed to be suspicious.

Of course, Christiana was a RN whose income dwarfed that of her husband as soon as she graduated from nursing school. The husband believed that his role as a husband and head of the household had been usurped by his wife.
Mr. Ndubuisi’s several entreaties to his wife’s family to intercede and bring Christiana back under his control had all failed.

If the circumstances surrounding the death of Christiana’s mother were suspicious, those surrounding the death of a Tennessee woman’s mother were not. Agnes Nwodo, an RN, lived in squalor before her husband, Godfrey Nwodo, rescued her and brought her to the US. He enrolled her in nursing school right away. Upon qualifying as a RN, Mrs. Nwodo assumed “full control” of the household. She brought her mother to live with them against her husband’s wishes. Mrs. Nwodo quickly familiarized herself with US Family Laws and took full advantage of them. 

Each time the couple argued, the police forced the husband to leave the house whether he had a place to sleep or not. On many occasions, Mr. Nwodo spent days in police cells. Upon divorcing his wife, Mr. Nwodo lost to his wife, the house he had owned for almost 20 years before he married her. 

He also lost custody of their three children to her, with the court awarding him only periodic visitation rights. Even seeing the children during visitation was always a hassle as the wife would “arrive late at the neutral meeting place and leave early with impunity.”

Mr. Nwodo endured so many embarrassing moments from his wife and her mother until he could take it no more. One day, he bought himself a shotgun and killed both his wife and her mother.

Caleb Onwudike’s wife, Chinyere Onwudike, 36, became a RN and no longer saw the need to be controlled by her husband. Mr. Onwudike, 41, worked two jobs to send his wife to her dream school upon bringing her to the US from Nigeria. After four years, she qualified as an RN. Once she started to make more money than her husband, she began to “call the shots” at home. She “overruled” her husband on the size and cost of the house they purchased in Burtonsville, Maryland. She began to build a house solely in her name in their native Umuahia town of Abia State, Nigeria, without her husband’s input whatsoever.

Mrs. Onwudike came and went “as she liked,” within the US and outside the US. In fact, she once travelled to Nigeria for three weeks “without her husband’s permission” to lavishly bury her father, despite her husband’s protestations that they had better things to do with the money. 

Mrs. Onwudike let her husband know that this was mostly her money and she would spend it however she wanted. Through her hard work, she had risen to a managerial position at the medical center where she worked.
Upon her return from burying her father, her husband got one of her kitchen knives and carved her up like a Thanksgiving turkey inside their home on New Year’s Day.

Death is death, no matter how it comes. But the goriest of these maniacal killings is probably the one that happened here in Los Angeles, California. 

Joseph Mbu, 50, was tired of his RN wife’s “serial disrespect” of him. The disrespect began as soon as she became a RN. Gloria Mbu, 40, had once told her husband he must be “smoking crack cocaine” if he thought he could tell her what to do with her money now that she made more money than him.


Before she became a RN, Mr. Mbu had been very strict with family finances and was borderline dictatorial in his dealings with Mrs. Mbu. However, Mrs. Mbu learned the American system and would no longer allow any man to “put her down.” When Joseph Mbu could not take it anymore, he subdued his wife one day, tied her to his vehicle and dragged her on paved roads all around Los Angeles until her head split in many pieces.

YOU TURN ME ON.

Yes, there are people who turn you on. It doesn't matter if you are a virgin or not, married or single, divorced or separated, holy or a sinner, there is a person or some kind of people that turns you on.
Every one's got chemistry and there are some kind of people that set your hormones on fire on meeting them.
Some women respond to highly intelligent men while others like the charismatic. Some men's head swoon when the see slim ladies while some go ga-ga over the plump and curvy. Some women get worked up when they see hairy men while some men respond to certain feminine voice. These are your WEAKNESSES.
Above the lot might be one in particular whose eyes get at you, once you are in their presence, you feel so uncomfortable. Their eyes are setting the fire works and you may sleep with them if you wait 30 minutes longer.
As a woman you may have chemistry for that fair hairy guy next door. Each time he comes out bare chested and in briefs you lose your sanity and has to grab a pole lest you fall. His hairy chest and legs not only turns you on but his full sensuous lips always draw you towards a passionate kiss. Those are TRIGGERS.
You will save yourself lots of headache if you learn to call a spade a spade and RUN from those triggers. I do not know any other method that will work.
AVOID any person that heavily turns you on. They may be innocent and not know. You will be playing with fire if you keep making friends with them and say it doesn't matter till you find yourself pregnant or impregnate somebody.
While I was a spinster, I never permitted any man into my room for whatever reason under heaven. The only man who entered was my fiance and that was because he was sexually disciplined. Some men tried but I barred them.
My room was a No-Go-Area for men.
As a married woman, I don't visit couples when the wife is not at home. I stay at the door and deliver my message. Call me any name you like. I won't be holier than Jesus. I don't hug men face to face. I don't allow men hold me by the hand or arm. I don't stay around a man in briefs. If you want to talk to me, you should be fully clothed and your manners intact. I don't talk to men I find extremely sexually appealing, I avoid them at all cost. I do not discuss with men in secluded places. I close all chats, whether whatsapp or facebook with men I find irresistible. It's as simple as that.
Trust in marriage is not automatic. If you want your spouse to trust you with all his being, you've gotta prove it. No one can tell my husband ANY jargon that he would believe. He knows me and I know him. We both relate well with the opposite sex and discuss our friendships easily. We know each others'
boundaries.
Keeping your virginity takes extra care and vigilance, you cannot afford to be careless around men.
Learn to set boundaries and face reality, you will save yourself lots of headache in future.
Staying sexually pure is very much possible. Just know who and what turns you on and avoid them as much as possible. You will be glad you did. 

Cheers!


By Seun Oladele