Monday, 20 June 2016

Dear Christian sister: People in my community.

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I greet thee specially in King James Version.
Grace and peace be multiplied unto thee.
Amen.
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‪#‎clearsthroat‬
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So, Bro asks for your hand (leg, teeth, whatever) in marriage and you tell him to give you time to seek the face of the Lord; then you disappear for weeks without a sneeze. Bro, overwhelmed by your epic silence, decides to revisit the issue; but you seize the opportunity to impress him with your well articulated chistianese. You lecture him about the importance of hearing the Lord concerning "specific" issues like marriage since it's very crucial to one's existence. You stuff Bro with your classic speech, and fiam! You disappear again.
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It's been six months since your quest on the Lord's voice, and your spiritual antenna has still not caught His frequency.
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Mbok, let me ask you a question:
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Is the Lord battling some chronic ear infection that's made the whole of heaven resolve to relocate Him from his throne to some inaccessible location where He can be given proper medical attention? So each time you approach Him with your request, your call is diverted to Angel Gab who sweetly replies: "sorry, the Lord you have dialled is not available at the moment. Please try again later". And over and again you try, but you keep hearing: "sorry. . ."
So it's not like you don't want to reply Bro o, but the spiritual network is not favouring you, sé?
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Eziokwu!
Legend of the seeker!
It is you that seek the Lord pass.
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You drill out six months from a man's life and call that hearing from God? It's official: You're a fraudster. A pathetic thief of time.
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The Lord whom you seek is not the one revealed in scriptures. If in six months you've not been able to access him, the ish is from your end. You are the one who has not developed intimacy with him enough to hear his voice even in the most insignificant issues. You are the one who hasn't studied his word enough to know his prerequisite for a relationship. And because you're really confused about what you want in a man, there is a clash between your will and His will revealed in scriptures. That's why you've been waiting for lightening and thunder, a voice in the wind screaming: "my daughter, my daughter, He is/isn't the one". You are confused.
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But if you know these things and still delight in wasting a dude's time because you want to form "me sef get toasters", you're wicked, naive and insipid. Your yeye nyanga will not increase your worth above a seed of tomatoes.
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I don't blame you really. I blame the Bro who's been listening to your balderdash. Because under normal circumstance, he would have substituted the engagement ring with handcuffs and dump you in some cell that'd afford you undivided attention in seeking your Lord. After seeking him for a split second of eternity without a trace of Bro, your prayer request will change. When that happens, don't drag your innocent village people into your mess. Na you by yourself spoil your market. Deal with it!

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