Wednesday, 6 September 2017


"Aunty, I need your advice. I want you to share my story so others can learn. I got married as a Christian, a virgin, a Masters degree holder to a Pastor. I don't know what my future holds. I have been married for 17 months but full of regrets and pain. I wish I had waited more.
I don't doubt the fact that God spoke to me because I had been trusting God even though I had men who want to marry me but I don't see God in it all.
Eventually, a young man came and I heard God, I loved him immediately, jumped all protocol and we got married after 5 months. God knows I was not in a hurry. I had plans, dreams, ministry, but he is Pastoring already and needs to get married on time.
Things got all messed up. There are spiritual issues, he is traditional, he is not mature. I became immature, you know tit for tat things; bitter, lost my relationship with God. I just want to leave him..."
The story is lengthy but that was the little I could copy to save time and space. The summary of it all is this: she was in a relationship with a brother who loved her dearly but there were prophecies that getting married to him is dangerous, her mother kicked vehemently against the relationship and even broke down, she eventually released the guy though it was painful. That brother waited for her, got engaged and broke it, hoping she would reconsider her decision and marry him but it was too late.
She met her husband on Face book, did whirl wind courtship, ugly scenes began to appear before the wedding day, no honey moon after wedding, he never showed love and care, slapped her twice and eventually beat her (domestic violence), she had a miscarriage, lost her relationship with God and lives in tears and regret.
1. FACEBOOK MARRIAGE DOESN'T WORK! Distant relationships don't work. If you choose to be stubborn and rush into marriage with someone you barely know, you will bite your fingers forever! I'm currently counselling a couple and another person whose marriage has broken down completely -they met on face book.
2. THEY RUSHED THE RELATIONSHIP. No matter your age, you can't afford to rush into marriage if you don't want to rush out. Even if you are 99 years old, you need at least, a year of on ground, face to face courtship with your partner before you make a journey of no return at the altar.
3. SHE DID NOT HEAR GOD CLEARLY: she thought he was God's will for her but no, he is not! God will not give his precious daughter a panel beater and wife batterer! The first guy was her husband, the second was a big mistake.
4. SHE ACTED ON UNVERIFIED PROPHECIES: What anybody says about your spouse is irrelevant to what God says about them, learn to hear God yourself.
5.SHE ALLOWED FAMILY INTERFERENCE: she listened to her mother, ended a profitable relationship and ended up marrying a loser!
6. SHE DID NOT SEEK GODLY COUNSEL: "In the multitude of counselling, there is safety." She jumped protocol!
7. THEY ARE NOT COMPATIBLE: she is more mature and has a higher educational qualification than him. He has lower qualifications, emotionally immature and insecure. He was jealous of her and always embarrasses her in public.
8. HE NEVER LOVED HER: he married her because he is a Pastor and his position requires a wife.
My dear brothers and sisters, a successful marriage is not a joke; it is not a child play, it is for serious minded adults.
Do not allow anybody, age or society pressurize you into a marriage you will regret for the rest of your life. Better be single and hoping to get married than married and wishing to be single.
You can't handle the pain of divorce. I do not wish it upon my worst enemy. Read, learn and apply wisdom. You will not miss it in marriage in Jesus name. 

© Seun Oladele, 2017

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