Wednesday, 18 October 2017


"Oh baby, I love you..." I'd ooze with emotion to my lover who would look at me with tenderness then wanders why in the name of God I didn't help when he needed it and I claim to love him with my very breathe...
His love language isn't words of affirmation. Yup! Every man likes to be praised but If I love him as I claim, I should bend down and assist him whenever he needs my support. Act of service and quality time are hubby's love languages.
Well, that's not my love language. Whenever hubby says "you are great", "you are sexy", "you've got a beautiful body", "you are a virtuous woman", "you are so smart and intelligent", I always travel to the orbit and stay in bliss for many hours. Act of service? No!
Before we fully understood each other's love language, hubby was doing what most husbands in the world would not do to their wives yet I would not appreciate it. Why? it's just not my love language! I rarely ask for help (just learning to delegate), I like doing my things myself in fact, if you volunteer, you are disturbing me. Hubby volunteered a lot and I felt really angry. He was seriously disturbing my work by helping out and I grew very bitter. Alright, all that is past tense now.
For your spouse to feel loved, you must speak their love language! What moves you may not move them. Find out what makes them happy and do it. That is how to show love.
Some like QUALITY TIME. If you truly love them, spend time with them. Some prefer GIFTS, if you care about them, you show it by buying them gifts. Some prefer TOUCH, you should hug, hold and cuddle them if you truly care. Some prefer ACT OF SERVICE, assist them whenever they need help then you are speaking their love language. For some it is WORDS OF AFFIRMATION, you should admire, praise and compliment them a lot if you truly love them.
Your love language can be more than one. You can have one primary and the other secondary. Primarily, my love language is words of affirmation and secondarily, it is touch.
After few years of trial and error, we have both learnt to speak our languages excellently well. Hubby now affirms me a lot, which honestly makes me feel so good and fall in love with him over and over again. I've learnt to assist him without waiting for him to ask and also spend quality time with him. That includes, shutting down the phone and look into his eyeballs while talking to me!
If your spouse/partner is not appreciating everything you do for them, perhaps you are not speaking their love language. You don't treat people the way you want to be treated, you treat them the way they love to be treated.
What they complain most about you is a clue to their love language. Find out and speak it on daily basis.
Marriage can honestly be sweet if you are equipped with the right tools and knowledge that makes it work.
Read Gary Chapman's book on THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES for more understanding. It will help a lot. God bless you. Cheers!
©Seun Oladele

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