Monday, 11 December 2017


No, he is not out to harm anybody, he is just trying to protect his wife/fiancee.
She loves her husband and wouldn't dream of hurting him but the lies she told to protect him eventually tore her marriage to pieces!
Protective liars don't tell their spouse the truth for fear of hurting them though they themselves are hurting badly and are falling apart under the weight of a bad marriage.
For instance, this guy married a slimmy because he loves a slim body then after 2 or 3 kids his wife blew up! She kept adding several kilos every month, became grandma Moses and wouldn't leave junk food alone. Each time she asked him, "Honey, how do I look?" He would smile sweetly and reply "Perfect!" Though his brain was screaming horrible, terrible, awful, disgusting!
His logic is, 'if I correct her now, she will think I don't love her anymore especially now that she's a mummy of three kids. Let me just keep my mouth shut and play along' but his need for a slim woman wouldn't play along! Soon, he fell in love with a slim body at work, got enmeshed in a full blown affair and eventually wrecked his marriage!
If you ask the wife, "why did your husband have an affair?" She will tell you she doesn't know, they had a great marriage and he was the best husband in the world until 3 kids appeared from no where and a woman claimed he was their father.
Actually, he had known all along that his marriage wasn't what it used to be but he was too chicken hearted or egoistic to tell his wife.
Same for the woman who had deep financial needs but was afraid to tell her husband for fear of being seen as selfish, too demanding, unsympathetic and outright wicked. Everyone could see her husband was trying his best to provide for the family, why should she make extra demand on him? But her deep need to be financially taken care of won't leave her alone. She needs to look good, take good care of her children and have extra to extend to her ageing parents. So she kept mute and kept suffering in silence until a wealthy man came along, spoilt her with money and had an affair with her. That was the beginning of the end of her marriage. If her husband had asked her, "I hope you understand the situation of things?" She would smile sweetly, pat his back and tell him with full assurance she understands but behind him she is weeping profusely. She tells all who cares to listen her husband lacks ambition, would not strive to make more money and she and her children are suffering from poverty, hunger and neglect!
No marriage can survive on lies! You either sit your spouse down and tell them what is hurting you or you kiss your marriage goodbye! It's as simple as that.
A successful marriage is hard work. You can't build a marriage on negligence and apathy. You can't build it on pretences and lies. You can't pretend all is well when you are suffering greatly in marriage, if you do not communicate your needs in marriage, your marriage will hit the rocks! If you assume all is well and you believe all the lies your spouse feeds you though your gut feelings tell you something is wrong some where, you may wake with shock in a divorce court!
Successful couples communicates their needs honestly, sincerely, regularly and they work together to make their marriage better. You just have to work on honest communication, it is your greatest asset in marriage!
Outright lies will break your home! No one enjoys lies from their spouse. It is a grand trust breaker and a number one betrayal of love and trust in marriage! You are not protecting them from hurt, you are gradually preparing them for hurt! Lies don't get hidden forever. It sooner or later get exposed and your spouse will feel hurt, betrayed and disrespected for trusting you all along when you have been telling lies!

By Oladele Seun.

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