Tuesday, 2 January 2018


Some young men have been reaching out to me for help on how to end a relationship with ladies who misunderstood their friendship, went completely overboard, send romantic messages, disturb them with unwanted calls, call them pet or romantic names, chase them all over the places, appear desperate and eventually become nuisance in their lives!
Some confused ladies have been asking me what to do when a guy is obviously in love with them, shows care and affection, he is all over them, yet he is not proposing!
They keep hanging on and waiting, hoping he proposes so they won't go into another relationship then he realizes his mistake and start pressuring them for a relationship!
The guy thinks he is just being a friend, the lady strongly believes he is in love, he is just not proposing yet! The guy later sensed she is all over him and tries to move back, the lady saw his cold feet and chases harder, confused and scared he ran harder, she chased harder! Perplexed, he ends the relationship and got engaged to a lady of his choice, jilted, she felt heart broken, used and abandoned!
The problem of this relationship from the guys' side is 'game playing', curiosity and 'let me see how she will respond' kind of approach. You appear like a close friend, talk intimately with her, show her unnecessary love, care and affection and watch her lap it all which gives you a kind of emotional high! She falls in love and starts reciprocating, that is when you suddenly realize she is not your type and decides to move back.
Low self esteem is the capital problem of these ladies. You lack self confidence, dignity and value. Once a guy shows a little interest, you leap and jump at him, hoping he likes you, chase you and propose to you. When he refuses to do that, you chase him hard, this makes a man see you as desperate and having serious problems, scared and confused, he moves far away from you.
The solution to this problem is simple. Guys, stop sending wrong signals, make your conversations as platonic and cordial as possible. No use of "dear", "sweetheart", "I love you", "I miss you" and all those unnecessary compliments. If you are not interested in her stop sampling! If you are not ready, face your studies and when you are ready, pray, date and propose, simple!
Lady, stop running after guys okay? Don't take his "I love you", "I miss you" and all his bla...bla...serious until he proposes! Until he boldly says, "will you marry me?" The door of your heart is opened to any interested candidate!
A friend was angry years back when he saw my engagement ring. He had been interested but I was not aware. What's my business? As long as he didn't propose, I was under no obligation to chase other interested candidates away from me!
For ladies who believe the guy is God's will for them, ask God to reveal His will to the guy too and stop manipulating that guy to notice you! Stop chasing him around and telling him to his face you are madly in love with him when he doesn't care you even exist! The rejection that usually follows such folly can shatter you to a million pieces! God is not an author of confusion! If He is the one who spoke to you, He will speak to the guy at the right time so go relax, face your business and let God do His job.
Ladies, stop misunderstanding young men's friendship. Stop taking things overboard. Stop reading meaning into his messages and calls. Guys, stop leading ladies on. You are just a brother in Christ and a pure, platonic friend, no more, no less! Stop all those affectionate words if you know you won't marry her. You won't like it if a lady leads you on and "dumps" you for a "better" guy. A little word is enough for the wise. God bless you. Cheers!

© Seun Oladele, 2017.

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