Monday, 1 January 2018

When Forgiveness Seems Difficult.

Swallowing a bitter pill is one of the most difficult thing to do for those who don't like to take drugs. It comes with a frowned face, whimpering, frequent plea so that the sick person can eventually use the drug and be healed. No matter how bitter the drug is, it must be used if healing is desired. This same issue happens with forgiveness. 
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There are quite a number of people who have vowed not to forgive those who offends them. It's very difficult to forgive a man whom you spend your life and resources to make a better person only for him to break your heart and threw away the broken pieces into the Lagoon. Many have even vowed not to forgive their parent for what they did to them.
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"To err is human, to forgive is divine". I know how difficult it is to forgive when you consider the pain, the memory and the agony of the past. But the only thing that can make you forge ahead and get better in life over your past is to forgive. 
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Forgiveness is not an option, it is a command. Do you know that your being forgiven by God is a function of your forgiveness of those who offends you? I'm sure you would have recite the 'Lord's prayer' but do you allow it find expression in your life? "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us". If you don't forgive those who hurt you, you're likely not to obtain forgiveness for your own sins.
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God knew those terrible things they did to you. In fact, He saw them but all that He wanted from you is to forgive. Was He mean to have demanded that from you? No! The greatest forgiveness that was ever done was that which God did. He gave us His son and He was killed. Yet, in agony and tears, He said, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they're doing. 
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Do you know this is true?
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That person who sexually abused you, verbally destroyed you, that boss who spitefully used you, that friend who broke your heart, breached your trust or disappointed you truly doesn't know what they're doing. It may sound weird but that's the truth. You can only know what you're doing to be right when you do what God wants you to do.
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Forgiveness would seem hard when you consider the pain or the severity of the loss but when you see its other end which is good, you'll forgive and move on. 
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Sometimes some people claimed to have forgiven but there's a condition attached to their forgiveness. "I have forgiven him but he will never know peace in his life", "For her to make me go through this, she will not be happy in her life". 
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It's very easy to forgive with your mouth but real forgiveness comes from the heart. When you forgive from your heart, you don't hold grudge, bitterness, resentment, anger or unforgiveness with your offender. True forgiveness comes from the heart and not from the mouth. Forgiveness that comes from the heart makes you free from emotional pain and releases the offender from the prison cage of your mind. It is only when you forgive from your heart that the burden of the past can be truly lifted from your heart. 
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Who do I forgive? The first person you must forgive is yourself. It's not selfish but it allows you to enjoy healing first. It is when you're healed that you can heal others. Some would say, "I will never forgive myself for the mistake I made in the past", "I don't think I can love women or trust men again". All of these are signs that you haven't forgiven yourself. It is when you forgive yourself that you can forgive your past and your offender. 
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Your past leaves you with a memory and this memory is usually unpleasant. That a man cheated on you doesn't make all men a cheat. If you carry on with this mentality that your past has influenced, you'll never be able to attract the right person because as a man thinks in his heart so is her. You're also most likely to attract what you think most. Forgive your past and be more opened to the good things that your present and future holds. All that your past should teach you is how to be more careful in making today's decision so that you won't repeat your past.
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"Over my dead body will I forgive Sola!" "Even if Jesus comes down today, I won't forgive her". I know that what they did was terrible, evil, wicked and painful but can you trade your peace of mind for the pain they've caused you? Unforgiveness puts you into bondage while your offender enjoys freedom. Why suffer when your offender is enjoying peace of mind?
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Forgiveness is an Herculean task when you consider the circumstances around your pain but when you see the blessings that comes with it, you'll let go quickly. It'll not take time to forget about the past when you don't reminiscence about it and you move on.
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Do you know it is useless to hold on to the knife that gives you a cut? But wisdom demands that you let go and heal your wound. Remember, healing comes when you forgive from your heart but the pain remains when you hold onto unforgiveness. 
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© Oluwamayowa Adeniyi 2017.

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