Friday, 16 February 2018


Lots of singles don't talk about sex in courtship and wander why sex in marriage is a big disaster especially when they are both virgins.
If you are very sure you are marrying that guy/lady, you are not experimenting, it is God's will and both of you have reached a journey of no return, you must discuss sex 2 months to your wedding. Some will have to wait till few weeks/days to wedding because they have very sensitive emotion and their resistance to anything sexual is very low. You just have to learn to control yourself. It's not every time you hear boobs, vagina and penis you roll on the floor and start masturbating like crazy!
Sex in marriage is serious business. No one should joke with it. I don't joke with sex at all, it is a serious matter. When people seek counseling on sex, I get down to earth straight and raw, sex in marriage is a matter of life and death. If you fail in this area, you are a failure in marriage and your generation unborn will pay for it.
Back to business: talk about your sex life few weeks to your wedding and reach an agreement. If they want you to do something you honestly cannot handle, either discuss alternative or end the courtship in peace. I'm not laughing here! One lady told me her fiance wants blow job in marriage, good he told her. Either you prepare to give blow job in marriage or end the relationship in peace! To marry him and pray to change him later is to be stupid, outright, down to earth stupid, very stupid!
Discuss your sexual expectations so you won't be running helter skelter after wedding looking for who will teach you how to have sex!
If you want different sex styles, discuss.
You want adequate fore play, discuss.
You want or don't want blow job, discuss.
How many times per week would you have sex? Discuss.
You were circumcised as a female or not circumcised as a male, discuss.
You've had sex in the past, let them know.
You are scared of sex, discuss.
You are a virgin, discuss.
How can pain be avoided on first time sex? Discuss (some ladies don't know men also experience discomfort while having sex with a virgin).
Must you bathe before sex? Discuss.
Bedroom sexy wears, lingerie... discuss etc.
Of course, that is not the only thing to discuss in courtship. Your destiny, vision, dreams, assignment and ministry are more important. Those should be discussed daily.
However, sex is part of marriage and more couples are getting divorced because of failure in that area. Iron things out and get godly books that will help.
Don't discuss sex early in the relationship unless you are looking for serious trouble.
Premarital sex will ruin your testimony, destroy your self esteem and shatter your pride! If you can't discuss things without getting turned on and having sex then may be you should wait till your wedding night to talk about it. May the Lord grant you understanding. 

God bless you. Cheers.

© Seun Oladele

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