Wednesday, 28 February 2018

WHY PEOPLE DATE AND MARRY ONLINE.

Most do it because they could not find anyone to marry them off line or on land. Facebook is a very good place to hide. You hide your character, your skin problem, your mouth and body odour, your character, your true colour and hide behind your phone pretending to be a saint. Countless liars and pretenders live on facebook. This makes it one of the most sensitive places to pick a spouse.
Some ladies have no good reputation on their street. Some guys are touts, area boys, play boys or whatever though they always appear well dressed and look so holy and blameless on facebook! One look at them, you will think you are looking at the Lord Jesus in flesh and blood yet, they are devils in disguise! Some ladies have slept with almost all the guys in their area, their reputation is so damaged, they had to hide behind phone to get a husband online.
What is your problem? What happened to your character you can't find a sensible man to marry in your area, church, place of work, higher institution, live seminars, symposiums etc that you must hide behind phone to get on facebook?
Some people believe you can date online if it is God's will. God's will? How many singles hear God these days? Many don't have any sensible relationship with God talk less of hearing Him clearly on whom to marry. All my counsellees who married online told me they thought their spouses were God's will, now they know better. Playing with God's will on whom to marry is playing with fire! If you don't know how to hear God, better not rely on facebook or you will mis-choose!
No one has any right to teach what he himself has not experienced. If you never got married online, you lack the authority to preach it. We need real people who met and married their spouses online to come out boldly with evidences of how they have been able to meet, court and marry their spouses and build a successful marriage for at least 5 years. If I can see at least, 5 good couples (not liars and pretenders with fake pictures), honestly, I will shut up and stop advocating against online marriage!
All the people I know who have great marriages met, courted and married their spouses on land. Even advocates of online marriages met and married their own spouses on land not online! If you allow anyone to push you into fire, you alone will get burnt! The Hausa man will ask you if you have ever used the drug you are recommending for him. If yes, he will take it, if not, he will dump it. To follow someone who himself did not marry online, know how it works, cannot provide practical teachings on how to court and marry successfully online except cook imaginary stories of unreal people is to make your life a cheap experiment of frustration and regret for others to learn from!
Bishop Oyedepo, Ben Carson, Williard F. Harley, Fela Durotoye, Pastor Adeboye, Late Bimbo Odukoya, Pastor Funke Adejumo even Beyonce and Omotola Jolade met and courted their spouses for some years on land! Bill Gates of Microsoft and even Mark Zuckerberge, the founder of facebook himself did not marry on facebook! He met and courted his wife, Precilla Chan on land for God's sake! I've not met a single person who married online come out boldly and say, "this is me, I married online, let me teach how it works." All I hear is hear says in third persons like "I know some's uncle who married online and are doing fine." Can't that person himself/herself come out boldly and teach us? We need to practically learn how it works! This is marriage, it's serious business. It's not theory, its not a joke, it's a matter of life and death!
You can meet on facebook and court on land? How? How will the one who lives in Enugu court the one in Yobe on land successfully? How will the one in England effectively court the one in Nigeria without communication and other problems? Meeting online and courting onland is sometimes unrealistic because of the distance and other barriers. Most who meet online continue dating and courting online because that's where they met. The way you meet is the way you will keep your relationship. You can't manage long distance relationship, it is so complicated!
Yes, good and wonderful people are on facebook. Yes, you can build friendship on facebook. Yes! You can preach and impact lives on facebook. Yes! You can sell your products on facebook. Yes, you can advertise on facebook! But you can't compare casual, few minutes, hours, weeks, days and months of meeting someone on facebook to living with them perpetually 24/7, these are two different worlds entirely. Job opportunities abound online no doubt, but you won't take your job home; you are not married to your job! You can chose to quit your job tomorrow and no one gets hurt but you can't quit your marriage without getting torn, broken, shattered and battered. Marriage is more than meeting someone for few hours and days. You live with them 24/7 with all their flaws and baggages. It involves your life, your future, your destiny, your spirit, your soul, your body, your all. This requires careful study and caution before plunging into the journey of no return.
You can't just conclude someone is good because they look so on facebook. You can't assume someone has a good marriage because they post eye popping pictures of themselves and partners! You can't see someone once and make conclusions until you have studied them closely for at least 6 months, or else, you are simply joking, you really do not know them!
I have met great and wonderful people here but until I meet and study them, I really do not know them.
Let's be very careful guys. Jesus Himself says "WATCH and pray..." like Pastor Funke Adejumo always say, "close one eye in prayer and open the other one in watching" when choosing a life partner! Don't close your 2 eyes and grope in the dark!
The story of my counsellees who married online is not what I wish for my worst enemy. I still counselled one last week whose profile picture looks so amazing and appear happy and doing well but she is regretting her marriage and weeping in it. Long distance/communication barrier is one of the headaches and frustration of online marriage! Her husband who is out of the country is asking her to do video chat and masturbate before the video and that is killing her, silently! She has not seen him for the past 2 years! That kind of person will never ever tell you the hell she is going through. You will only look at her picture or her smiles and conclude you know someone who married online and is doing fine.
Based on all I have met, I cannot recommend online marriage. The risks far outweigh the benefits. God is still very much in the business of connecting marriage partners on land! When the time comes, He will make things easy for you and give you the very best without any drama, complication, secret tears, pain and regret. Use your discretion and let God guide you. May you not mischoose in Jesus' name. 

Thanks for reading. God bless you. Cheers!

© Seun Oladele

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