Tuesday, 29 May 2018

UNDERSTANDING YOUR SPOUSE'S NEEDS.

Marriage is about meeting needs. We marry because we have needs only a special, opposite sex can meet. But few years down the line, so many couples are grossly disappointed, angry, frustrated and deeply involved in affairs because their needs are not being met in marriage.
You can't meet a need you do not know exists. You can't make your husband/wife happy if you don't know what makes them happy. You can't make them resist emotional/sexual affairs if you are starving them hard in areas they seriously need you to meet their needs. So what are these needs? How do you meet them to prevent affairs in your marriage, enjoy bliss unlimited in your home and go on to have one of the best marriages in the world?
UNDERSTANDING MEN'S NEED IN MARRIAGE
1. MEN NEED RESPECT IN MARRIAGE: Unconditional respect makes a man feel loved, valued, confident, take risks and go on to succeed in life. You show this by giving him regard, talking to him with respect, being submissive and obedient to him. Shouting disgracing, insulting, criticizing and making jest of your husband both in private and public show you lack respect for him and this will in turn make it difficult for him to love you.(1 Peter 3:1-3 Amp).
2. ADMIRATION: A man also wants to be admired for his contributions in the home. Admire his work, achievements, career, efforts and looks, this means the world to him .
3. SEXUAL FULFILMENT: Your husband is not asking you for sex because he is an animal, he is asking for sex because he needs it badly, he is wired for it. Making love makes him feel wanted, needed, in love with you, releases tension, gives him pleasure, helps him stable emotionally and physically, gives his best to work, eliminate distractions and help him focus on you only. Refusing him sex and treating him like a pile of shit destroys his self confidence and may have affairs to ascertain his manhood.
4. PHYSICAL ATTRACTIVENESS: Men are moved by sight. They see a lot. Women know this and bombard your husband with all manner of nude pictures, dressing, perfume, packaging and whatever. Be attractive to your spouse. Stay healthy, eat balance diet, eliminate all body odour, bath and brush your teeth at least twice daily. Wear nice attractive, underwear. Learn to shave. Keep to shape. Let your husband be proud to identify with you in public. Don't look like a slob or his great grand mother, please!
5. SUPPORT: Your husband wants you to support him in any way possible to achieve greatness in life. Support his dream, vision, goals, business and career. Cheer him, encourage him, boost his morale. Support financially to pay bills till his finances stabilizes. Do not reject him, mock him and run him down when he makes mistakes or the business has not picked up as expected. It takes time to achieve success. Rome was not built in a day.
6. GIVE HIM PEACE: A man needs peace of mind to keep his sanity. Nagging criticizing, complaining, abusing, cursing, gossiping him to all friends and foes and running him down can literally, practically drive him insane.
All these needs must be met by his wife at home, if not your husband is at the risk of having an affair with a woman who meets all or most of these needs in his life. What about the women?
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN'S NEEDS IN MARRIAGE
1. AFFECTION: Your wife needs your tenderness, love, care, physical touch, embrace, cuddle, etc to feel loved and cared for in marriage. When she is starved in this area, she will be opened to the temptation to have an affair.
2. CONVERSATION: Women must talk. We easily get connected to a man who listens to us, understands us and honestly share his heart and mind with us. We need a gist mate with an open mind and understanding heart.
3. ADMIRATION: Women need lots of admiration too. Praise your wife. Admire her, compliment her especially her looks. We are very conscious of our looks, that is why we make efforts looking good for God, for our husbands, then ourselves.
4. FINANCIAL SECURITY: A woman needs a man who can pay all the bills and take good care of her. Not paying bills on time, owing rent, school fees, not having good food, clothe and shoes to wear, becoming an object of ridicule can destabilize a woman.
5: OPENESS AND HONESTY: Hiding your phone, keeping secret friendship, staying alone with an opposite sex friend whom your spouse must not know about, having secret chat with ladies on facebook, whatsapp, and other social media platform which your spouse must not see, secret business deals, hidden projects etc can destabilize any woman and destroy your marriage.
6. FAMILY COMMITMENT: Every woman wants a man who is committed to the family, the children and the home. It makes her feel secure, loved and priceless.
You must consciously work on meeting each other's needs. Marriage is not a joke, it is not a child's play, it is hard work, commitment and self sacrifice to ensure your partner's needs are met, and they are happy and fulfilled being married to you.
May the Lord grant us all the grace to do all we need to do to enjoy bliss unlimited in our marriages. Thanks for reading. God bless you, cheers!

© Seun Oladele

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