Tuesday, 17 July 2018

THE ANATOMY OF EMOTIONAL AFFAIR.

Do you think any straying spouse just wakes up and decides to cheat on their spouse? Never! Not in a million years! How then are they caught in the web of an affair? UNMET EMOTIONAL NEEDS!

If your spouse's emotional needs are not met in marriage, they will have an affair. (I'm not encouraging them to but the reality is) they will, gradually, unconsciously, slowly, eventually find their heart drawn away from you and give it to someone else!

80% of married couples have emotional affairs but few people acknowledge it, about 2%. Most vehemently deny it! Why? No sex is involved!

Who do these people have affairs with? A total stranger? Absolutely not! It's someone familiar or even close to the either of the spouse.

Emotional affair usually starts as friendship. Opposite sex friendship that veers off line into something else! Opposite sex friendship is so delicate! You must be on your toes or you won't know when your heart slowly creep into the relationship; showing more concern, more care, more affection, giving affectionate names, pet names, getting turned on, getting physical then getting involved in full blown sexual affair!

You are at risk of emotional affair if your spouse keeps criticizing you and you meet someone who appreciates you. A man is at a higher risk of affairs if his wife is complacent but he meets a woman who is ambitious, visionary, result oriented, challenges him and helps him make more money.

A woman is at risk of emotional affair if she meets a man who acknowledges her beauty, appreciates her character, admire her talents, supports, encourages and admires her. She may very secretly fall in love with the person without acknowledging it and seek ways to express it. If she's accused, she may vehemently deny it out of guilt or shame, quickly retrace her steps but bitterly resent her husband for not meeting her emotional needs. I will at this point recommend Williard F. Harley's book: HIS NEEDS, HER NEEDS (how to build an affair proof marriage) and the movie: TEMPTATION by Tyler Perry. My ebook: LIES THAT BREAK MARRIAGES will also help.

You can't have an affair as a married person. I mean whether in your heart when no one is watching, or on your phone while chatting or calling, you can't wish you married that your friend. You can't ruminate over her sexy lips. You can't wish that guy holds you in his arms and you stay there forever. You can't dream of her giving you the best or most explosive sex of your life! You can't be their friends and secretly resent or get jealous of their spouse! You can't say "I love you", "I miss you", "I wanna die for you" to them! You can't wish you are married to them! All these thoughts and displays are emotional affairs!

If you are feeling lonely, unloved, unappreciated and un cared for by your spouse, it's better you sit them down and get honest with them. Let them know you are starving emotionally and can't take it anymore. Honestly let them know you are getting tempted and your resistance is getting low. If you don't talk, they won't know you are suffering and you may suffer for a long long time!

Pride is the reason so many people fall flat on their faces! "I can handle it" is the reason many are involved in sex scandals. Don't be afraid to show your spouse your human side. Jesus wept. He didn't want to go to the cross, He sat by the well when tired, He ate food when hungry, He got so angry, He flogged the unscrupulous elements out of the temple! He showed his human side! You are not an angel for God's sake, get real before you fall flat on your face!

Hubby has never had any emotional affair, not because he is perfect but because he is honest. He lets me know when the battery is running low and I quickly fill it.

When your spouse complains to you please for God's sake don't criticize, correct or judge them, they don't need that. They have condemned themselves already. All they need is forgiveness, compassion, affection and mercy! Find out where you have been negligent and make up fast. Meet their emotional needs and help them stay emotionally and sexually pure.

Read your Bible daily especially Psalm 119 and Romans 12. They are powerful mind cleaners!

Avoid any one who steals your heart away from your spouse, they will destroy your marriage. No one comes out of adultery better but worse. You will not miss it in marriage in Jesus' name. 

God bless you. Cheers!

©Seun Oladele

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