Thursday, 27 September 2018

MARRIAGE AND IN-LAWS

You don't have to have any problem with your in-laws when you get married no matter how "wicked" they are.
Many single ladies enter marriage anticipating serious war with their mothers-in-law, hostilities from the sisters-in-law and the brothers -in-law who like to be treated like demi gods to be worshipped just because you are unfortunate to marry their brother, nay, it is not always so!
Some young men plan to "snatch" their wives from all her siblings including her parents immediately after wedding so they won't influence her negatively. Again, nay, it is not always so!
Oh, okay, you've heard married couples having serious problems with their in-laws and you are so filled with fear, you do not know what the future holds for you, darling, marriage is not always so!
As you lay your bed in marriage, so you will lie on it. How you enter your marriage will determine how you will stay in it. The quality of your preparation determines the quality of your performance. Do all the necessary ground work in courtship and your marriage will be pure bliss!
1. Ask your partner serious questions in courtship and get full information about his family background so you can know how to relate with them in marriage.
2. If your fiance is a mummy's boy, can't do anything sensible without his mother or she is a daddy's girl, can't think maturely without her father, your partner is not mature or ready for marriage. Either end the relationship peacefully or prepare for rivalry with your parents-in law in marriage!
3. Marry a man who can think for himself, make sound decisions, take responsibilities for his action and defend it. Such a man will defend you when necessary in marriage.
4. Marry a lady who can make sound decisions by herself and is not easily influenced by negative people. Such a lady will stand by you in marriage and will not allow her family to interfere with your relationship.
5. Be nice to everyone including your in-laws.
6. See them as your parents, siblings, uncles and aunts and treat them as such. Marriage has joined you together, you can't throw them away.
7. Do not report your partner to your in-laws no matter how close you are to them. Blood is thicker than water. No one likes to hear bitter complain about his own flesh and blood.
8. Respect your parents-in-law. Erase the mentality that all mothers-in-law are devils, it is not true. They simply have weaknesses you don't know how to handle and if they are wicked, report them to God in prayer.
9. Respect, submit to and honour your husband so he can stand by you and defend you when necessary in front of his parents when occasion demands.
10. Ask your partner questions about the family traditions so you know how to position yourself.
11. Your husband should have an accommodation of his own no matter how small. If he is still living with his father and mother and wants you to join him there, be ready for serious in-law interference. "Therefore, man shall LEAVE his father and mother and cleave to his wife" is what the Bible says. If he is not ready to leave his parents and cleave to you, he is not serious. End the relationship!
12. In some Yoruba culture, the wife shows respect to all her husband's siblings no matter how small they are. Some families don't joke with this. If you are marrying into that family you must humble yourself and respect them. If you can't because of your age, family background and education, either ask your partner how best to relate with them or end your courtship in peace.
13. In some families, the wives are expected to cook at family functions. Some men hate this, they prefer to pay the caterers to do the job while some men want their wives to run helter-skelter. Discuss this thoroughly in courtship.
14. In Yoruba culture, when the woman has her first child or all her babies, the mother-in-law comes around to bathe the baby. This sometimes end up a tug of war for a lot of people as traditions, strange names, songs, even strange things are done while bathing the child which may be against your core Christian belief.
Ask your partner serious questions in courtship. If they don't know the answer, they can ask their parents diplomatically, tactfully and feed you adequate information so you can understand the type of family you are marrying into and prepare positively for them, this is the essence of courtship.
You can have a blissful relationship with your in-laws if you understand them well, honour your husband, love your wife and both of you are always in agreement.
Courtship is not for sex. Pray, study each other, ask questions, read godly books and listen to godly tapes.Your marriage will be all round bliss and you won't have any reason whatsoever to regret it.
Thanks for reading. God bless you, Cheers!

© Seun Oladele

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