Thursday, 17 January 2019

Lessons for those awaiting the right partner.

Before You Get Emotional... 
(Lessons for those awaiting the right partner)
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A true life story. 
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Kennedy and Ruth (not real names) got so close as if they had known each other for ages. Right from day one they met, communication has been mutual, attention, affection and attraction was shared. 
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They were both Christians, not just church goers or nominal members and they avowed to keep their relationship pure. They got together with the intention of getting married someday since they were of marriageable age and they had both been trusting God for a marriage partner. 
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Barely one month they met, they bonded so fast because they helped one another to be better in what they do. But the mistake they made was that they did not clearly spelled out the terms of their relationship before hearing God speak. 
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After God spoke to Kennedy, it took several warnings before he could open up to Ruth that they weren't meant to be together because he had opened up his heart to love her. He gave her lots of attention because she was what he wanted in a wife, both physically, character wise and spiritually. Who won't fall for that? 
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A day won't pass without them talking at least twice both on voice and data calls. But after he summoned up the courage to disclose what He said, it took Ruth a whole lot of courage to accept his decision. 
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What you need to know my dear awaiting singles from this story... 
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1. Different persons will come into your life for relationship leading to marriage, both the good, bad and ugly. Before you talk about marriage, hear what He has to say about the relationship first. What He says should determine if communication will be frequent or serious attention will be mutually given. 
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2. If He says YES, proceed into the next stage. If He says NO, move on and communicate same in clear terms without probability clause. "Let's see what He has for us", do you want God to change His mind after saying No? Don't be like Balaam! 
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3. Don't allow communication and attention be fast to take shape. Conversation should be minimal and attention should be strategic. 
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Don't be conversing as though you're already in a relationship. Meeting a person for the first time doesn't mean a relationship has started. Friendship also doesn't start in one day. Don't speed up the process. 
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4. Use your head to love and not your heart. The heart feels but the head think. The heart gets easily emotional but the head uses its senses (discretion). 
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Let your head act first before you heart takes over. It's disastrous to allow the heart to act first. This is why many serious minded Christians end up in bed because they do not allow their sense to take the lead before their emotions took over. 
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5. Quit talking when you don't have anything meaningful to say. It is romantic foolishness to be asking "Where are you" when you know where they are; "What are you putting on?", are you wearing a blind?; "Hope you're fine, are you sure?", are you their parent or relative?; "I just called to hear your voice or know how you're feeling, are you a doctor?"
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All these may not appear hurtful at first but they deepen emotional intimacy. And if care isn't taking, emotional intimacy will lead to sexual intimacy. Remember, sex starts from the mind. 
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6. Create space. Give the other person the space they need to make their decision. Create space so that "I miss you" can be genuine rather than emotional. Create space so that bonding can be appreciated when there is a reunion. 
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You need space to prayerfully get direction from God otherwise you'll hear the voice of your emotions. 
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7. Do-it-yourself. Others can pray with you or for you on the matter but you must hear God first for yourself, theirs will only be a confirmation of what God told you. If you depend on what others say without hearing from God first, confusion will set in. 
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It is spiritual laziness and ignorance to depend on the prayers of others when making crucial decisions in life. God hasn't gone on sabbatical leave, He can talk to you if only you can pay the price. 
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Waiting is not a worrisome time. Delay is not denial. Keep working to improve yourself as a right person. Keep serving God. Pursue your God-given purpose. Pray persistently should there be a delay. Don't be pressured. Don't rush! And in the right time and with the right person, the Lord will settle you maritally. 
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Before you get emotional, do the needful so that you can avoid stories that touches the heart. 
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© Oluwamayowa Adeniyi.

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