Tuesday, 30 April 2019


As a rule, women don't enjoy long silence from their men, I certainly don't. I don't talk anyhow in public, in fact I rarely talk beyond the usual pleasantries but when I'm with hubby, I can gist from morning till night and not get tired. I sometimes need extra discipline to keep my mouth shut and face my "front" but hubby is a natural thinker -a mel/phleg temperament and sometimes need to think.
Early in my marriage, I would raise an alarm once he suddenly withdraws and enters his world. I would agitate, get angry, get mad and ask several times what I did wrong that made him keep malice.
Sometimes I would put my arm around him and beg him to stop worrying, all will be well bla...bla...bla... I hated that silence that made me look like a stranger in my home! I wanted hubby to always be happy with me; be excited as I am; chit-chat, talk-talk, laugh-laugh and do all those girlie stuff.
Hubby would look into my eyeball and reply firmly and lovingly. "I am not angry with you darling, I need to think. A man needs to think. Often. Men are not emotional, they are logical. They are planners and vision executers, I need time to think, plan and work on my vision". I got that.
Later, I would I raise an alarm and almost burst into tears when I saw my hubby quiet and so withdrawn. I thought he was worrying and thinking, I would quote scriptures and encourage him to "be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might", hubby would burst into laughter and calmly explain to me he is not worrying, he is rather thinking. "There is a difference between thinking and worrying dear..." He patiently taught me till I got the message. Now, I don't worry about that anymore. In fact, we have thinking time in our home. There are times we both need some break from our regular gist and do some personal serious thinking.
I once visited a mentee who was worried sick her chirpy, talkative husband suddenly withdrew into his shell. When I asked the husband what went wrong, still lying on the settee, faced turned to the ceiling, all expressionless and serious looking, he replied, "I'm thinking about my job. A promotional exam is coming up. There are projects demanding my full capacity. I must not fail, I need time to think." MEN ARE THINKERS!
Granted, not all men are introverts. Some men can talk so much, you have to beg or scream for them to keep quiet, but that does not make them feminine or completely emotional. They are still logical and need time off to think.
Do not take your man's silence too personal whenever he goes "blank" or needs time to think. He may suddenly withdraw, stay at work later than usual or communicate less with you during this period.
If you are in courtship, he may suddenly break off communication, not sound emotional at all or may be asking you some serious questions out of the blue. Do not panic. Give him the very much space he needs and let him be the man. But if things are getting out of band, like it's becoming a week, he acts angry, irritable around you or he constantly avoids you and makes no efforts to connect with you, it is no longer thinking, it is malice. You both need to sit down and talk. Get to the root of the matter and become friends again.
Every man needs time to think. Let him be the man while you are the woman. Do not take everything in marriage too personal or act too emotional, you may build a mountain out of molehill and create unnecessary crises for yourself.
May the Lord give us all the wisdom to run our marriages and enjoy heaven on earth in our homes. I love you!
Thanks for reading. God bless you. Cheers!

© Seun Oladele

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